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Sofia

  "God, she was gorgeous." Under the dim light of a dying lamp, Camilla thumbed through a ragged photo album, stopping every once in a while to show Len another picture. He was tucked under her arm, and he could smell her perfume- flowers and oranges. It was loud, but it spelled comfort. "Her papà- Antonio was his name- he fancied himself a photographer, so he took most of these." In the picture, a young Camilla and Sofia stood grinning at each other, in front of a run-down brick wall. They were just slightly blurry.

  "Was she happy?"

  "Oh, I don't think a day went by when I didn't hear her laugh." She began flipping through the pages again. "Your mom, she knew exactly how to make me smile." She elbowed Len in the side. "Kind of reminds me of you," she said. Len smiled and looked down.

  He rubbed his hands together. They felt heavy, but he needed to move something to distract from the feeling of the corduroy couch on his legs. He pressed his eyes closed for a moment. He tried not to let his thoughts wander, but he couldn't stop himself from noticing the cold chain around his neck. He pulled it out from under his shirt and watched the simple, heart-shaped charm twirl in response to the motion. Though he never understood the appeal of jewelry, he'd accustomed himself to wearing this piece. He always preferred to think of it as his mother's gift to him for his sixth birthday, and not a parting token once she'd made up her mind to go.

  A small "Oh..." came from Camilla. When he looked up, there was a misty sheen over her eyes, and she'd covered her mouth with her hand. When she noticed him staring, she tilted the book for him to see. This photo had been edited to be entirely in black and white, except for the bright red shirt on the little girl. She was off-center in the frame.

  "She was just a baby here-" Camilla caught herself before she could begin crying. She rubbed the laminate directly over the spot Sofia was standing. "We grew up on that beach. Spent all our free-time looking for anything interesting that had washed ashore." Len tried to impress onto his mind what she'd looked like. He couldn't see her face, but to him, she looked happy to be there. That thought made him smile.

   "So," he paused for a second so she could collect herself, "why did you leave? It sounds like you loved it there."

  "Ah, it wasn't a choice we made lightly." She closed the album, adjusting to face Len. "It was supposed to be better in America. Land of Opportunity. And... I guess it was, for a little while." She idly ran her fingers through his hair. Her hand was warm. He leaned into it as she spoke. "It was hard; we'd only seen English in the newspapers. But Sofia? She was so strong. Nothing could hold her back." She laughed as she said, "I remember, she would always call people 'friend' when they talked to us."

  "Yeah, she still did that at church sometimes," Len said. Camilla smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

  "She just... she was electric. It's no wonder your father took such a liking to her." Len looked away, adjusting himself. He would have preferred sticking to the happier memories, but of course, he wasn't going to start a disagreement over it. "You wouldn't have known it by how things ended, but she did seem happy at first."

  "It's kind of hard for me to picture her like that. I'm not sure I ever saw her genuinely happy. She smiled a lot, but-" his throat started to catch, so he paused to swallow. "I, I don't think she meant it."

  "She was trying to protect you, cariño." She pulled Len close. It was hard to breathe with his face in her shirt. She said, "Keeping you safe was what she lived for." Len could feel his face growing flush from anger. He searched for something different in his emotions, but that's all he could find. He pushed off of her, his eyes burning.

  "If that were true, she wouldn't have done what she did." He couldn't keep the tears from coming. "It wasn't an accident; she chose to leave me behind. How does that protect me?" He was hugging his knees, his head resting on them. Camilla’s mouth was open just slightly, and Len could feel her panic as she searched for what to say. He sighed, his voice small. "I... I know it's not her fault. She never had any control in that house. She just... wanted a way out." After a moment, she put an arm around him.

  "It's okay to be upset with her, Len. That doesn't mean you think she was a bad person." She tucked a tuft of hair behind his ear. "She loved you. Nothing is going to change that."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Of course. You don't have to be afraid of your anger," she said, moving to hug him, "you just need to learn what to do with it, that's all."

  Len leaned into her for a moment, letting his eyelids begin to close. He was still hurt and upset, but for the first time, he felt like he could simply let it be. He sighed, and Camilla squeezed his arm softly. After a moment, she pulled away.

  "Come on, let's go to bed."

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