DONT fucking make fun of the way you word things when youre actively shutting down thats NOT productive and you are only hurting yourself . youre communicating as best you can and behaving a little strangely is not a crime . its ok its all ok , youre doing the best you can with the skills you have , and its normal for you to struggle with something which is not formatted accessibly . you are disabled . you are going to struggle with these things more than the average person . the fact that youre doing this at all is a testament to your strength . you are doing what you can and you having avoided this is because you knew it would be difficult and stressful and it is not your fault that your brain is wired to avoid stressful situations . you are trying . you are trying .